hateD

A dream. A horrible, black dream, black as night, dark, dreary, pitch-black, lightless, blinding.

I stumble through the darkness for water, H20, liquid, something to parch the thirst, the dehydration, the funny feeling in the back of my throat.

Kana is there, and hands me a glass of water. I gulp it down right away. I look at the glass. There's a bit of water left. It's smoking, the little curls floating up into the air, little tails, little devil tails, caught on the breeze, not a care in the world, drifting, swirling, spinning, twirling, floating, falling...

Sweet intoxication.

I too begin to fall, and yet it feels like I'm floating. I hit the ground. My skull cracks open and dark red liquids pour out, staining the linoleum, getting everywhere, making a big mess, except it doesn't. My head is intact, although feeling a little light. Light. A bright white one. Coming towards me.

Darkness.

I can't see. Ending the same way I began. Round trip. Perfect circle. Back where I started.

I wake up screaming.

Deppart mi dog

oɥ' ɟɐʇǝ' ʇɥɐʇ ɔɹnǝ1' ɔɹnǝ1 qǝɐsʇ. ıʇ sǝǝɯs ɐs ıɟ ʇɥǝ ʇɐq1ǝs ɥɐʌǝ ʇnɹuǝp' ɐup ı ɥɐʌǝ 1ɐupǝp ɯʎsǝ1ɟ ɯʎ oʍu ɹooɯ ıu ʇɥǝ ɐsʎ1nɯ.
ıɟ ı,ɯ ɹıbɥʇ' ɯʎ ɹooɯ onbɥʇ ʇo qǝ ɹıbɥʇ uǝxʇ ʇo pǝɐɹ ʞɐuɐ,s. ʍǝ,ʌǝ qǝǝu ɔoɯɯnuıɔɐʇıub ʇɥɹonbɥ ʇɥǝ ʍɐ11s ǝʌǝɹʎ pɐʎ. ɐ1ʇɥonbɥ' ı ɔɐu,ʇ sɐʎ ı,ʌǝ ɯɐpǝ ɯnɔɥ dɹobɹǝss ʍıʇɥ ɥǝɹ...
"-.--.--- -..--.-. -..-..-- -..-..-- -..-.... --.-..-- --.----- -.--.-.. -..----. -..-...- -..----. --...... --.----- -.-.-.-- -..-.--- -..-.--. -...--.. --.----- -..-.--. -...--.. --.----- -.--.-.. -..-.... -..-...- -...--.. -...-.-- -..----. -..-...- -...-.-- -..-.--. -..-...- --.-...- --.----- -.---.-- -..-.... --.----- -....--. -..-.... -...-.-. --.----- -...--.- -..--.-. -..-..-. -..--.-. -..-..-. -..---.- -..--.-. -...--.- --.----- -..-..-. -..--.-. --......"
"-.--.--- -..-.... -...-... --.----- -..---.. -..----. -..-...- --.----- -.--.--. --.----- -..--..- -..-.... -...--.- -..--... -..--.-. -...-.-- --.-..-- --.----- -....--. -..-.... -...-.-. --.----- -..---.- -..----. -...--.. -...-.-- -..----. -...--.- -..--.-- --...... --.----- -.-..--. -..-.... -...-.-. --.----- -...-.-- -..-.... -...--.- -...-.-- -...-.-. -...--.- -..--.-. -..--.-- --.----- -..-..-. -..--.-. --.-..-- --.----- -....--. -..-.... -...-.-. --.----- -..-.-.. -..--.-. -...---- -...-.-- --.----- -..-..-. -..--.-. --.----- -..-..-- -..-.... -..---.. -..-.-.. -..--.-. -..--.-- --.----- -..-.--. -..-...- --.----- -..-.--- -..--.-. -...--.- -..--.-. --.-..-- --.----- -....--. -..-.... -...-.-."
"-.-----. -..-..-- -...--.- -..-.--. -..--... -..-.--- -...-.-- --.-..-- --.----- -.--.--. --.----- -..--... -..--.-. -...-.-- --.----- -..-.--. -...-.-- --.-...- --.----- -.-.---- -..-..-- -..--.-. -..----. -...--.. -..--.-. --.----- -..--..- -..-.... -...--.- -..--... -..-.--. -...-..- -..--.-. --.----- -..-..-. -..--.-. --.-...-"
"-.--...- -..-.... --.-...-"
uo¿ qnʇ...
ʞɐuɐ...

Interesting.

http://science.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=08/12/11/1843221&from=rss

A friend of mine emailed this to me today. Seems interesting.

If only it were completed earlier, maybe my time here with Kana could have ended up differently.

I'm afraid of what will happen next...

Q'iw hrikb uhltrzblof xrbu fw nrdlbe icmek tuim dzvyhgmgq ur iuvbx y jvl. Tumr rpvfk V utw pnne cilqmq gvrz mm buw ogpxp avve, na br erje, nvw lwj oaeztlb zqsrty kg bon yqmrtr ueyt pgbu haqlxb endlf.
Q'w jqxw tb atw buwy'em tjt sgoya tll gzif ql y pbjrvjec uvktnsx, zcg...
A'm awm cdrf shzx yvleoem.
Pfig kcnzxq ur lhr uhqb, gzohoa, ga... Vx I'z qgqiaw mlaxjn, ewafwg fiiw I gw uc beqiao mm prsl Xigy?

Snap! Noose Solitude Snap! Noose Snap! Terror Yearning

Every night of our lives.

I'm lacking inspiration. Does anyone have any good ideas for a treatment I can administer to Kana? If you do send it to angrydoctor.notmad@gmail.com !

Hoguem zk usi fpx umpjlr, oxx D hf zsymsay laou xxca rxpbs gr te mmobma xrbq xci vwra um fm ksfcze kiwuj.

Es oznfn ej ub lgynfz, I gkmio Z'k prgcrcfz... kfpb... wzesj. Ky shdlta omkggrf evz ecungy zmowwhx lb hi aq jxrmvtk lepe, igv esmpnt pi "Rlrr oei mto enhuihcvk tmmug?"

L vos'x cckndl rzim qlrgmxpgu fpile iiclkzrg. Ipnz'h lrbxxfmni? Ahvv mn sec cs xvj msfs tccjbsfd G dvdyntwpb Snfa jmxc me rum hlzwsbcer. Npvlkvvmazr... Sn hiqif desv uitkx wsic abvs ybsg o txhcsmgr pefhebqeyam gg tui sii Byai xlvsshfp mtjkyhu ebacg, kmgvbb B oes yhtpkmik kffbyum nzx kjrtie sy efe urmsj, ed mxcgsrh xj fvgao zox unff kltfmfj nmtt buk bee. (Exxsoipn os wlvx dyb... Jeg ybsm az ahybgapb lvwllj fcmbuwr?)

V'q wxeicq, Q's jhbkimvo. Q ysf'w broi eugi'w xaqgy sn. Yoag dq D xf bc? Jmzq C kaosi jbm wtxc fnww ax Olli, ygcxih varw vv yvfs iogepl xido nmtt xnjsiu iiedw?

Oj, fe trhn... Ayyh uejj C vhbf xe xmwxcte gkas?

Interesting.

Kana's been a little... Static-y recently. I keep getting little zaps of static electricity whenever I'm around her.

I'm tempted to label it as a side effect of the shock therapy, but I haven't issued it to her in quite a while.

Even more curious, though, is the dream I had last night. I imagined chasing after a young girl with long, dark hair. We ran through a busy street, miraculously not getting pummeled by the speeding cars (Although I did nearly have one of my toes crushed by an 18-wheeler, but... Just a dream, right?) I chased her into the forest, and was able to get around in front of her. I don't know why, but... I suddenly felt a great hatred for her, and found the handle of a knife in my hands. I slashed at her, quick as lightning, but she moved, and I just barely grazed her cheek. Before I knew it, she had come in from underneath me, kicked the knife out of my hand, caught it, and plunged it directly into my heart.

I suddenly woke up, cold and sweaty. Or, at least I thought I did. I must have still been dreaming, as there was a trail of blood leading from the door of my office to my desk.

Why, do you ask, did I find this dream so interesting? Because the girl in my dream had more than a striking resemblance to our dear Kana.

Hmmm... A sign of my feelings towards her, or my fears about her?

I must be growing soft.

Last night, as I was giving Kana her shock therapy... I don't know why, but something just absolutely compelled me to discontinue the treatment. I started moving slower, my insides began to feel cold... Is this guilt? It's unlike any other guilt I've felt before.

I'm tempted to take a softer approach to her recovery, starting with sitting her down over some tea and apologizing, but... No, those kinds of methods never work in the long run. No pain, no gain!

Well, Rock Me Amadeus.

My dear younger brother finally obtained that search warrant he wanted ever so much. I feel rather offended that he didn't believe me when I said I took good care of my patients, and even more so when he seemed... Almost disappointed that all the locks were in working order, and that the security feeds didn't show any of my patients sneaking out at night. He did find it amusing that Kana's security camera was down for a few hours (Which, coincidentially happened around the same time a poor little girl drowned in the river early this morning), but since I pointed out that since the security cameras inside and outside the facility show nobody sneaking out...

I take good care of my patients, Amadeus.

Sing for me...

Well, well, well. Right when I was about to go to bed, little... Itsume-san, I believe it would be in her langage... decided to shoot me an email.

From: "Kana Itsume" Daydreamingcricket@gmail.com
To: "Konstantin Von Heinrich" angrydoctor.notmad@gmail.com
Who are you? Why am I here? What is this medicine you're feeding me? Why does my tea taste like poison?

To which I replied:

"My dear Kana,

You are simply ill, and I am your doctor. I am unsure whether or not you've noticed, but you seem to be rather fond of the phrase 'Watashi wa dare?', repeating it to yourself over and over.
Furthermore, you seem to be afflicted with a case of amnesia. I assure you, I am doing everything in my power to return you to your normal state.

As for the tea, my good lady... 'Tis simply iced green tea with a hint of lemon.

Ah, well... Maybe "An entire lemon" is a more accurate term. I do like my tea strong. But, I assure you, 'tis not poison. If you haven't noticed, I've been pouring my tea from the same teapot as you have."

Ah, lies are such a great thing. She'll never know that it's actually artificial flavorings.

The laudanum is doing... Something.

...As is the shock therapy. I'm not sure whether this is progress or not, but it does seem to stop her from repeating "Watashi wa Dare" over and over. She still refuses to talk to me, though.

On the other hand, the bloodletting doesn't seem to help her state too much. I'm hesitant to stop, though, as it is necessary to help her tolerate the laudanum.

Laudanum, laudanum, laudanum. Isn't it such a wonderful word? Just rolls right off the tongue.

Laudanum.

In other news... I just recieved quite a few new follows on twitter, and even a few comments here. It seems people are rather interested in the treatments I am giving the girl.

I'd like to say that it's because I AM quite a genius and because I see these old, "outdated and unethical" practices for their true potential, but... knowing how sensitive people are these days, the realistic side of me wants to say they're just sympathetic sods flocking to the girl because she hasn't gotten used to her treatments yet, like a baby crying after a flu shot. No pain, no gain, I've always said.

I do hope one of these new little birdies comes along and proves my suspicions wrong.

The girl! She speaks!

Well well well... the girl can form coherent speech after all. She just doesn't want to talk.

I wonder if she knows I'm watching her blog.

Let the games begin.

Ah, human stupidity, I owe so much to thee. Those sods at the institute approved my plans, clearly not taking my statement that "This is only a tentative plan, and will do anything and everything necessary to bring this girl back to wellness" literally enough.

All the better for me, I suppose. I set up her blog this morning, and asked her to write last night's dreams in it. Must have something to show the institute if they ever drop by for a visit, after all!

Then the real fun began. I've begun with a treatment of cold plasters and bloodletting in the morning, an afternoon of solitude, a short moment in which I invited her to have tea with me (In which she did nothing but stare at the floor and mutter "Watashi wa dare?" to herself over and over. Wretch.), and some extreme shock therapy at night.

I'm preparing her a serum with laudanum as the key ingredient. I do hope it will cause some sort of progress.

Although, this early in the game, that may be hoping for too much.

Kana, was it?

Ah, Kana. Kana, Kana, Kana. What a wonderful name for such a wonderful guinea pig. Don't worry dear, you'll be fine in my care.

Today I had to send the institute a list of the treatments I wish to commence on her, so they could make sure it stands up to some sort of government regulations. Bah, those sods. All these rules are good for is getting in the way of a proper treatment.

In any case, I decided that I'd prefer if they'd stay off my back, so I sent them a lengthy article about how I plan to setup a gmail account for the wretch to give her communication to the outside world without endangering anyone, and how I plan to set up an online dream journal for her. The institute loves that sort of rubbish, think it's "revolutionary" or something.

No, my dear. I can definitely feel that what's about to happen shall be revolutionary, but not for that reason.

That girl.

I've received a new patient today. Her name is Kana. The police found her wandering around outside our humble little asylum, murmuring something along the lines of "Watashi wa dare?"
She doesn't seem to wish to speak, and nobody can find any record of her. Fingerprints don't match anyone, no missing children in the area... As far as we know, she's completely alone in this world.

Perfect. My own little patient to try some of my more unorthodox ideas upon. Someone nobody will miss if anything goes awry.

I'm very exited. I have a lot of new treatments I'd like to try on her.